5 Tips on How to Love Yourself After Trauma
We’ve all gone through some sort of trauma in our lives! Millions of people are experiencing the same thing you are going through right now, so baby girl you ain’t alone.
When everything is going well, everyone is always happy and positive but when things fall apart, that is when we truly need to focus, to see the light. Instead of focusing and being obsessed with what went wrong – dive into gratitude and be optimistic that everything is going to be fine.
Everyone has been in the position of feeling themselves engulfed by darkness. 70% of adults in the U.S. have experienced some type of traumatic event at least once in their lives. That’s 223.4 million people. The truth is that hope remains. We need to remember that God can never give us what we can’t handle. No matter how thick the darkness looks, don’t focus on it, search for the light. The light that shines in the darkness is always there, waiting for us.
The importance of Loving yourself can never be over emphasized – it’s next to life. Apart from leading to a better self-esteem and more happiness, it also helps you to love others and others to love you. When it comes to building healthy relationships and friendships, self-love is a must. The saying, “You can’t love someone until you love yourself” is so true. So, let’s talk about how you can love yourself after experiencing trauma:
EVERY TRAUMA IS A TEST YOU NEED TO SCORE A
There is something you need to understand “God can never give you more than you can handle”
“For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing to sin), [no matter how it comes or where it leads] has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear]. But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently”. 1 corinthians 10:13
You also need to understand this simple concept ” The more you go through the fire, the more refined you become” You are bigger than any trauma and no matter how hit up the situation is – it can’t burn you.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you” Isaiah 43:2
Every trauma in our life is a test to make us either bitter or better, every problem comes to make us or break us. The choice is ours either be a victim or victor.
DON’T DISCONNECT FROM THE WORLD, TALK TO SOMEONE.
When you’re experiencing a trauma, it’s easy to feel alone. It will feel like no one really understands what you’re going through but trust me someone do! You might not even fully understand it yourself! Reaching out can be scary, but there’s no need to suffer through it all on your own. Remember a problem shared is half solved. Don’t underestimate the power of people.
Millions of people all over the world are also going through one trauma or the other—or have experienced it in the past. It might surprise you how many of those are people you already know. Many more are willing to listen or want to understand.
There will be some people who just won’t get it, but it’s not your job to convince them—just keep trying to find a support system that works for you.
I believe talking about your trauma is an important part of healing. You don’t have to reveal all the facts or speak in detail, but talking to someone about how you feel about it can really help. It helps you to realize that what happened shouldn’t haunt you.
FIND A PURPOSE IN YOUR PAIN
Until you find purpose in your pain, it will remain painful. Let me share a story by Stephen Blandino
This story is about Viktor Frankl, an Austrian medical doctor and philosopher, finding purpose in his pain.
“Viktor Frankl married Tilly Grosser, and in 1942 they were arrested by the Nazis, forced to abort their child, and then transported to a concentration camp.
After spending three years in various concentration camps, Viktor was finally set free on April 27, 1945. After returning to Vienna, he discovered that his wife, mother, and brother had all died.
Most people in Viktor’s situation would have huddled under the umbrella of safety and security, never to emerge from their pain. But not Viktor. In 1946, Viktor dictated his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, in only nine days. By his death in 1997, the book had sold nine million copies.
During his lifetime, Viktor Frankl wrote 39 books, received 29 honorary doctorates, and taught at four universities. How could he do so much good after experiencing so much pain? His words from Man’s Search for Meaning provides some”
An attempt to attain happiness through the avoidance of pain will always end up in more pain. The goal is not to eliminate it, but to figure out how to use it as a stepping stone into something better. So, turn your pain into progress.
SET A NEW GOAL
Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort. – Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Start welcoming new possibilities by setting some new goals for yourself. Make some of them easy and others more difficult to achieve, but pursue all of them with equal gusto and have confidence in yourself no matter how lofty the goal.
Get reward for your pain. Just remember that the Pain that you went through wasn’t in vain. Get a Reward for it. – Eric Thomas
Use the pain you experienced as a fuel to propel you forward.
STICK WITH THOSE WHO LOVE YOU
We all have those people who stick with us even when everyone else has walked away. The folks that stick with us are typically the ones that love us in spite of ourselves.
Having someone who loves you unconditionally is a rare gem. If you have people who loves you without interior motive or expectation, stick with them.
What you need now is love and care not a negative vibe so be careful who you associate with. Cut off all the negative people in your life, even if it means you’re left with two or three friends in your circle.
“The less you respond to negative people, the more powerful your life will become.”
Journaling may sound hokey to some. But it can be one of the most useful and cost-effective tools we have to forge a better, more emotionally and mentally healthy life.
What is journaling? It’s simply writing down your thoughts and feelings to understand them more clearly. And if you struggle with stress, depression, or anxiety, keeping a journal can be a great idea. It can help you gain control of your emotions and improve your mental health. I’ve written about starting a self love journal in detail here.
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